Right now I am struggling for motivation at Hapkido. I've been told that I have to wait until my next test (end of November) to find out my result. I've passed, I'm sure, but until I receive my belt there will be a seed of doubt. Getting my own black belt will be a huge boost to me here and can't come quick enough. These days, training is just me and the assistant and/or the Master. Nobody else. Nobody to compare myself to and to see if I'm getting better and nobody around my ability level to aspire to. After the warm up and some technique work I usually get to hear the dreaded words "Self training!", which means just me, trying to improve, on my own.
Added to that is the fact that there are two moves I've been working on for over two months that I can't yet do. I practice them every week and one I am so close to doing.... Keep trying, I can do it, they say - and they mean it. The mind is willing but the body doesn't always comply. I don't have the previous aches and pains but I lack energy at times. I've been slacking off lately. It's hard to get myself going when I know its over six weeks away till I can go to the next level. Drinking a beer is now what I want to do after finishing training. I try to resist, but sometimes I give in. I must try harder, but after a days work it's sometimes what I need (here in Korea).
I've just got back from training. I can't deny that there have been times lately that I've thought about quitting, giving myself more free time and getting more sleep. Nights like tonight remind me why I go. As mentioned before, I've been working on some moves for ages, trying maybe hundreds of times with the same depressing results. Today, I successfully managed one for the first time. It's hard to explain the move (a kind of flip forward from a position of lying on your back) but it requires speed, power and timing. I felt like I'd won something, such was the joy running through me and the acknowledgement of my Hapkido Master. I tried maybe 30 more times but to no avail, mainly due to tiredness. However, I know my training is working and I am improving slowly but surely